Saturday, July 30, 2011

My Life Is A Lie: Entertainment or Energy

This is a question that I have been waiting to do for a while, and it involves finding out something about your life that would change it forever. So, lets get right to it. First off would you rather wake up one day to find that your whole life is fake, your friends are paid actors, same as your family, and pretty much everything you know is a fabrication. Well, then your name might turn out to be Truman, and your life might look something like this.

Yep, if you haven't seen it, The Truman Show is one of Jim Carreys best movies, and it is all about finding out who you really are.
Are you the way you are because it is in your genes, or because you have been made that way by the people who surround you, or both, and what would you do if you found out your whole existence is a lie, shown to the world for entertainment.
If I don't see you, Good afternoon, Good evening and Go away, or something like that.
But wait, there is another choice. Instead of finding out that you are in a world that revolves around you for the entertainment of others, you can find that your whole world is a lie, and that your real purpose in existing is as an energy source for a race of machines that keeps your mind a slave in a make believe world, or as you probably know it, The Matrix.
Oooowww, Its all green and sparkly,
I wonder if it is minty fresh too?
The Matrix has you, follow the white rabbit! These are the words that spark off the search for truth that leads Neo to find his world is just a virtual reality program that is used to keep human slaves happy while they are drained of their life.
Unlike Truman's world, were your life's purpose was to entertain, in the Matrix, you find that your life is a lie, but also that there is a war going on, and now you are a soldier on the front lines.
Ahh man, I hate being all sticky!
So here is the choice, find out your life was all fake and now that you know you have to figure it out what to do, and where you fit in, or find that everything was all in your head and there are machines that want you dead. Sure, Truman's world seems easier, you just have to move on, yet basically everyone on the planet knows who you are and have seen you do everything, but there is not a way to take any real revenge, or have any sense of justice. While in the Matrix, sure, your life was a lie, but now you have someone to fight against, a battle that whether you win or lose, you at least tried and took some control back about what happened to you.
I thought I would just give you a glimpse of what it would be like if Jim Carrey was Neo.
So, thats it, let me know which one you pick, and why, and remember, always aim for the head when fighting zombies, this really has nothing to do with this post, but is sound advice none the less. Stay cool and blog at you later.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Keep Your Shirt On: A Needless Nudity Rant

There are few things in the experience of film that bug me more then needless nudity. Now, before I can really get into this properly I have to be honest, I have always been a fan of, how do I say this, emmm........ok, breasts, there I said it, (please don't judge me). From my youth to my teenage years I was very breast obsessed, and loving boobs and movies as I do, seeing the words, "This movie has nudity"* always seemed to make it that much better. Cut to me being all growed up, I'm still a big fan of breasts, but now that I have matured a bit, (what, really, I have!) and I have a wife and daughters, I look at nudity in films much differently. Where once upon a time nudity in a film = awesome, now it is something that I am always happy to not have to see.
Now this is not to say that nudity in film is always wrong, (now hear me out) you can't possibly do certain films without showing naked people. For example, Porn, JUST KIDDING, ok, for example, Schindler's List, (If for some incredibly strange reason you have never heard of Schindler's List, first of all that is sad, and second of all check out my post here) . You may ask yourself**,why was nudity necessary in S.L., (I am just going to use the initials for Schindler's List, cause I am lazy, and I figure you are smart and can follow along) well, when making S.L., Spielberg was trying to capture a realistic portrait of what happened in concentration camps during
The doctors who decide who goes to the
showers are in the white coats on the left
 the holocaust, and in that, the Jewish people were often humiliated and degraded in many ways, one of which was to all jog around in a circle naked to see if any of them were sick so they would send them to the showers, (in case you are really clueless, when you were sent to the showers in the concentration camp, it is usually where they killed you) where again, it would make sense to show people naked there too. So in the case of S.L., and other movies like The Shawshank Redemption where they bring prisoners in to the cells naked, or movies set in Africa or Australia that have indigenous nudity, (that is just a fancy way of saying the people normally walk around naked, so it makes sense to have them naked in the movie) in these cases nudity is necessary to tell the story. But in truth, that is really not what this rant is about.
This is not what I am talking about.

What this rant is really about is needless nudity, now here is my problem, and let me set the stage for you so you fully understand what I am talking about. Ok, shut your eyes, and imagine that you're watching a movie, and while you are sitting there, watching this movie, you think to yourself, self, this is a good movie. I bet other people I know would like this movie, in fact, since I am a youth leader, I think that this would be a great movie to show to my teens, cause they would probably wait a minute, did that woman just take her top off. Why, WHY!*** Ok, so did that ever happen to you, cause it happens to me all the time. So just so you think I am not insane, let me give you an example.
K2 is a movie about the true story of 2 climbers that join a climbing expedition to reach the summit of, you guessed it, K2, (if you didn't guess it don't feel bad, Jesus and I still think your awesome, maybe not smart, but definitely awesome). So how could there be nudity in a movie about mountain climbing? Well, the one guy in order to go on the trip needs to ask his wife for permission, and he has trouble sleeping trying to figure out a way to ask her, which she picks up on and bugs him to tell her what is bothering him, so he finally does and she gets mad and storms off. So, here is the thing, the guys wife sleeps naked. So for about 4 seconds when she gets up you see her completely undressed. Now, in S.L. nudity has a reason for being there, but why was it in K2? Beats me. I know why boobs are shown in many films, and that is for one
I only did it for the sake of art!
simple reason, $$$$$, (I like to call this the Halle Berry Clause, cause she got paid a bunch of money in Swordfish to show her twins**** for a few seconds of screen time, $500,000 to be exact, and I will be honest, I think they over paid, but they actually did get their money's worth, cause a bunch of guys coughed up $8 to see Swordfish for just those few seconds of screen time). Men like seeing naked women***** and film makers know that, so although I would prefer there be no nudity in a
OK, I admit, it was funny, but still not necessary!

movie, at least you can see why they are putting it in, $$$$$, (I just watched Piranha the other night, Boobs in 3D, now that is art******) but why the heck did they put it in K2, or Forgetting Sarah Marshall, or one of the biggest movies of all time, Titanic, (which I refuse to ever watch, but come to think of it, why was there nudity in Titanic? AAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!!!)
Hey, do you want to pretend that you're flying
and then you can show me your boobs later?
So, that's it, I hate needless, pointless nudity, ruining movies for me

This is good!
 and the people who I could have shown them to, but now I can't, all because some guy decided that a woman in the movie had to expose her Thelma and Louise******* for a few seconds of screen time. So, ladies, keep your girls under wraps, whether on film or in life, and guys, stop being such horn dogs. That's all I got for now, so until next time, stay dressed and rant at you later.

*Actually, if the words, "This movie has violence, nudity and course language" appearing at the front of it, I generally thought that no matter what it would be awesome.
**Bonus points if you actually did ask yourself.
***Now if you shut your eyes, how did you read the rest of my post?
****The twins is just one of the slang terms I have heard for breasts, here are some more, many of which I have heard from women. Balloons, Bert And Ernie, Bonnie And Clyde, Cha-Chas, Dairy Pillows, David And Goliath (not sure I understand this one unless they were particularly disproportionate in size to each other), God's Milk Bottles, Holmes And Watson, Hubcaps, Milk Wagons and my personal favorite from Leonard Cohen, The Upturned Bellies Of Fallen Sparrows, or Ta-Ta's, its kinda 50/50.
*****Some women do too, but I don't have time to go into that here.
******Please note the sarcasm, plus I saw it in 2D.
*******That is another name I have heard used.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Pixar Smackdown: Round One

Before I get into my normal brilliant as usual post, I just thought I would mention why I have yet to post anything for July, so here goes. Life happened. Ok, now, onto the post.

So in this edition of Question Of The Week, (which I should probably start calling Question Of The Whenever I Get Round To Posting It, but it is too late to change it now, no matter how often it comes out, plus I am lazy, so Nuff said) is the first step in discovering, (at least from the people who read this crazy little thing called Jesus Was A Browncoat So I Aim To Misbehave) what the best Pixar movie is. Now as before, when I was putting together my best movie of all time list, I am not looking for your or my "favorite" Pixar movie, but the actual best one of all time. This will be done in rounds with two movies going against each other every week until there is only one left standing.
Now, as of late some of you who have been reading and trying to comment, (in particular those of you who have red hair, or are bald) have not been able too due to some crazy Internet blogging conspiracy, so here is how I am going to do this. First, feel free to give me a great cool long answer in the comment section, (Davis, I am looking at you here) or you can post the same on my Facebook page, but, and here is the important part, in order for your vote to count you have to check off your selection in the poll on the right side of the page. The voting will remain open until I post the next Pixar Smackdown Round, and I will just ask that you only vote once* per round. So, with all that said, onto Round One, and as they say in one of my favorite 90's video games**, FIGHT!

So to start off I decided to go with two of Pixars most well known films, and what better film to go first then Toy Story.
The story of a boy and his toys is the movie that started it all for Pixar and made the characters of Buzz Lightyear and Sheriff
Pick me, or Buzz will drop me!
 Woody household names. Toy Story was an original, brilliantly animated full length feature spectacle of a movie that forever changed the animated movie landscape. It showcased awesome three dimensional animation, had incredible voice work and story telling and basically paved the way for all those that came after it, but does that make it the best?
So going up against the originator is a film that answered the age old question, why do monsters jump out and scare kids from the closet,
 and that movie is Monsters Inc.

Pick me, or I'll get angry,
And you won't like me when
I'm Angry

 3 films after Toy Story, Pixar brought Sully, Boo and Mike Wazowski to vivid life, in a humorous and fantastic story about love, friendship and what home really means, oh, and power shortages. It brings a world of monsters to life that is familiar yet unique, and gave a whole new perspective to how dangerous a sock can be. Just as in Toy Story, it has incredible everything, and the animation even looks better, if that is possible, but, is it the best?

So there you have it, round one, and remember, it is not the film that you like the most, of have the fondest memory of, but the one you think is made the best. So, get posting, and make sure to answer in the poll on the side. So until next time, watch some movies, eat some popcorn, if you get a chance go check out the indie film that just came out, you know, that low budget one about the boy wizard, it has a small following, but could always use some more fans, and remember, always use the internet for good, and not evil. Blog at you later.

*Now I am trusting you in this to only vote once per round, sure, you could cheat and I would not know, but baby Jesus would, hovering over his little cradle, and he wouldn't like it, so be nice and only vote once per round, ok.
**Bonus marks if you know what game I am talking about.