Friday, May 11, 2012


Ok, so if you read my last post you found out that I have had a fair amount of writers block as of late, so I decided that I would try and break it with a topic that is near and dear to my heart, in movies, and in everyday life. And to do that, I need to give you a scenario and a bible verse or two so you will understand, so bare with me and it will all make sense. So here we go.
Give it a couple of minutes and this picture will make more sense.
Scenario # 1
You are driving on a family vacation through the back roads of, of, well, you know what, it doesn't matter, it could be forests, or
 mountains, or desert, or Detroit, truth is it doesn't really make a difference, but what does matter is all of a sudden your car stalls, your cell phone doesn't work and there is no sight of CAA, The Auto Club or any local, county or state law enforcement anywhere in sight. What is in sight is, or at least, in ear shot is the sound of a chain saw starting up, (possibly accompanied by a banjo, it depends on the movie or location) and that is usually followed by some form of maniacal laughter and then the slaughtering of all your loved ones starts to happen. Does this sound familiar? Ok, good, now onto scenario number two

Scenario # 2
You are home alone, and the phone rings, you answer, expecting to hear either one of three things, 1.) Your best friend calling to see if you want to hang, maybe even check out the latest Christopher Nolan 1 movie. 2.) A window or heating duct company trying to get you to try out their latest deal, or 3.) A robotic message lying to you about the proper polling station you should go to in the up coming
 election. But no, instead of any of those incredibly useful things, what you get is some psycho deep breathing with a voice modulator informing you that he is in the house , (possibly in the basement, but more likely in the closet 2) and that you are going to die cause he is going to kill you when you least expect it. Is this ringing any bells, or metaphorical phones, good, (I am just gonna assume you had your metaphorical phone bells rung, if you didn't, don't worry too much about it, life is full of disappointments, this is a very minor one) moving on to the last scenario, which strangely enough is kind of an end of the world thing.
Scenario # 3
Yep, you heard me, Zombies. Flesh eating, stumbling around, arms outstretched, want to eat your brains for breakfast Zombies. Do I really need to write more, they're freakin Zombies, Nuff said. So there they are, the three scenarios that give you a little glimpse into what I am talking about, so now let me give you three quotes from the good book  3 before I actually get to the point of all this.

We will start in Hebrews, chapter 4, verse 12, which says, "The word of God is alive and active, sharper than any double-edged sword. It cuts all the way through, to where soul and spirit meet, to where joints and marrow come together. It judges the desires and thoughts of the heart." Next up is Ephesians chapter 6, verse 16, "At all times carry faith as a shield; for with it you will be able to put out all the burning arrows shot by the Evil One. And accept salvation as a helmet, and the word of God as the sword which the Spirit gives you."
Ok, now ask me, "What's your point?" Well, go ahead, ask, I'll wait. Who am I kidding, it has been so long since I have blogged I better not waste any more time, so here's the point, S.S.L. Now, give me a minute,(or a couple of minutes if you are a slow reader) and I will explain. In the last bunch of years there seems to be a bunch of sayings and slogans that have used the first letters of each word for a short form. Now this is way before texting short forms took hold of the world with their lol's and brb and my personal favorite, AMRMTYFTS 4, but no, I am talking about the whole WWJD thing and such, and probably the most famous one in history, S.O S., (which is an old sailor term for distress ships which stands for Save Our Souls 5). Well, for me, I say forget about S.O.S., cause it is all about S.S.L.
S.S.L. simply means this, SWORDS SAVE LIVES. Ok, so here it is, take all those scenarios from earlier, the chainsaw wielding hillbilly psychos, the serial killers in stupid masks and the flesh eating zombies, and then give yourself a sword.

Now sure, it sucks that you are in the situation you are in, but be
 honest, don't you feel a whole lot better knowing that when the zombie comes to eat your spleen, (little known fact, Zombies love spleens, not sure why, but trust me, they do) that you can cut it into a bunch of pieces 6, or as the serial killer comes down the stairs with his stupid taunt, that
 you are going to get a chance to cut the arm off that he dialed the stupid phone with in the first place. You see, I love swords, always have, always will, there is just something awesome about them, so much so that even the bible recognizes this. In the bible, as shown in the above verses, a sword is given an incredibly high honor, it is said to be the metaphorical equivalent to the WORD of God. I can't stress enough how awesome that is. So it makes perfect sense to me that this love of swords has carried over to movies, so be it Highlander, or Seven Samurai or your run of the mill ninja movie, if swords are there, then I am a happy camper.
Me, as a sword wielding tennis ball looking happy camper.
So, with that, every time I watch a movie and any of the above scenarios occur, or countless others, all I keep thinking is, "Man, if that guy just had a sword he would be fine right now." So think about it, next time you are watching a movie and the fit hits the shan 7, remember S.S.L., and you can thank me later.
A classic choice, you can't go wrong with.

Oh, and for those really smart people who noticed that I only gave you two bible verses when I said three, here is the third one, (and good for you being so smart, go eat a cookie, my treat). In Matthew
Not really Jesus, but pretty cool anyway!
 chapter 26, verses 51, 52, it talks about when Jesus was being arrested, and the disciple that shares my name decides that he was going to take my advice, and pulled his sword with the following results, "One of those who were with Jesus drew his sword and struck at the High Priest's slave, cutting off his ear. “Put your sword back in its place,” Jesus said to him. “All who take the sword will die by the sword." Now, Jesus was not a violent guy 8, and although I love swords I have no problem with what he said, cause it is true, those who live by the sword will die by the sword, but as far as I am concerned, that beats getting eaten by a zombie any day. So thanks for reading, I will try and post more often, until then, stay safe, stay dry, and for my sake, stay living, cause I have no interest in taking out your zombie corpse 9, with a sword or otherwise. Anyway, until then, blog at you later.

1 Man can that guy make outstanding movies or what, and if you say, "or what" do yourself a favor and just stop reading my blog, cause clearly, you suck.
2 And I am not referring to the killer being homosexually in denial, incase you were confused.
3 And by the good book I am referring to the bible, incase you might have been hoping for the latest Stephen King novel.
4 To be truthful I just typed in "funniest texting short form" to Google and that one came up, I don't have a favorite, cause I am not lame like that, oh, and it stands for "All My Roommates Thank You For The Show" incase you were wondering.
5 And now you know, and knowing is half the battle! Go Joe!!!!
6 Actually cutting it to pieces would be a waste of time, here is a video staring Zach Levi to educate you on proper zombie killing technique, enjoy.

7 Yeah, you read that right.
8 He actually took the time to reach down and pick up the dudes ear while still being arrested and healed him there on the spot, how awesome is that.
9 I wanted to use a different word here then corpse, but my wife would have told me off, so feel free to make it cooler by picking any word you think fits best and I will get to stay out of trouble, how is that for team work.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

M.I.A.? The Case Of The Annoyingly Stupid Block

Its been a while since my last post, (as my friend Davis just pointed out to me yesterday) so I will fill you in on why I haven't been posting.
Yep, I have had a really bad case of writers block, where I just end up staring at my iPad screen for what seems like hours, and nothing comes, and that really hasn't changed, but I thought I would just write and see what comes out, so here goes.
This is the screen I looked at for a couple hours before just
adding the above pictures and the text below and calling it a day.
Well...........that sucked. A couple of hours and a few movies watched later, and this is as far as I got, so lets just say, writers block sucks, and here is a picture of awesomeness to make up for my blockyness.
And that's all I got, blog at you later, whenever that is.

Monday, January 30, 2012

10 Classics Of 2011: Old To The World, New To Me

This last year I have had the chance to watch a lot of movies that I have never seen before. Going through best movies of all time lists and Oscar Best Picture lists, I have watched some incredibly classic movies. With that in mind, here are ten of them, in no particular order, that I would recommend that everyone should see.

First up is probably one of the oldest movies I have ever seen, the groundbreaking...
Nosferatu has to be one of the most famous horror movies ever, as well as an amazingly classic movie. It is truly one of the cornerstones of silent film history and if you are lucky enough to see the restoration version that was recently made you know how innovative and creative film makers could be, even back then. A must see for any film buff.

Next up is the first of two from the king of noir, Humphrey Bogart, in...
The Maltese Falcon is a classic double cross, triple cross, quadruple cross, (well, maybe not quadruple cross, I kinda lost count, but you get the point) movie with a great performance from Humphrey Bogart, (man can that guy talk fast), although it seems a little anticlimactic at the end, but maybe that was just me.

Moving from noir to war, we have one of the best movies about bombers ever made, in....
Twelve O'Clock High is a brilliant war movie about the first day time bombing runs in the 2nd World War. Gregory Peck does an outstanding job leading the cast as the hard nosed General who tries to turn around a bomber squadron that seems to have lost all its direction. The story is great, and the inclusion of all the real war footage from both sides is absolutely fantastic and really helps make the movie feel authentic.

Keeping with the number twelve, next on my list is one of the best legal dramas ever made, and it is all
I first saw the remake of 12 Angry Men before I actually saw the original, so in that, as I kept comparing the two as I watched it, and I have to say, both versions are outstanding, but this classic just has a little something more. It is incredibly taut, tense and well cast and acted, with an amazing story and script and is unlike and probably better then any other legal based movie ever made.

Remaining in the black and white mode, next we come to a movie made more recently, yet uses the lack of a color pallet to its full advantage in...
Brilliantly acted by John Hurt (as John Merrick, The Elephant Man) and Anthony Hopkins (the doctor who say more then deformity) and a touching true story, The Elephant Man is a well put together movie and for some reason having it filmed in black and white totally helps get across the bleakness that John Merrick must have lived in until his life was completely changed. I give John Hurt credit for his performance in this, cause you really couldn't see him at all, yet he did an awesome job of acting with all the make up and prosthetics applied, just proving again what an amazing actor he is.

Back to Boggy and another noir, for any one who is tired, here is...
This is another noir movie that allows Humphrey Bogart to shine in all his utter coolness. He is just awesome like he always seems to be and the story of murder, love, sex and betrayal moves at a decent pace, keeping you attention throughout, plus it has a young Loren Bacall, so that is pretty cool too.

2011 is the year I became a fan of all the leads of the following movie, so I was thrilled when I found they were all in a movie together, in...
Jimmy Stewart, Katherine Hepburn and Carry Grant all being awesome with each other, what more do you really need? Well, add a really fun story, sharp fast dialogue and a romance angle and you have yourself greatness on celluloid, plus Stewart and Hepburn flirting with each other in a drunken stupor is worth watching any day.

Next on the list is a movie that unfortunately doesn't exist in its entirety anymore, which could be considered irony considering it has the word Lost in the title, with the black and white master piece...
Lost Horizon is a outstanding classic movie directed by Frank Capra of "It's A Wonderful Life" fame. Capra does an incredible job conveying a feeling of well being throughout the film about a group that has been taken to Shangri La against their will, only to find that there is nowhere else they would rather be, well, most of them anyway. As I said earlier, Lost Horizon is a movie where a full print of the original film stock has been lost to time. Yet they have been able to put together most of it, including some scenes where they only have film stills but they still have the audio track. Although it is not perfect, it still lets you experience that part of the story and helps round out some of the loose ends that otherwise would exist. Who knows maybe someday a full print will show up, maybe in Shangri La, or Cleveland. What, it could happen.

Second last on my list is the story of a king and his best friend who was torn between loyalty to his friend and to God in...
Becket is the story of the English king who lives only for himself and his friend, and when facing a power struggle with the church he decides to appoint his best friend to the head of the church in England to fix it, only to find that due to his faith Becket takes the job much more seriously then he was expected to. Becket boasts brilliant acting, (how is that for alliteration) from Richard Burton and Peter O'Toole, a great story about friendship and conviction, and was up for 11 Oscars, which used to mean something, so all in all it is an outstanding film.

Now onto the last movie on my list, which is one of the best true stories I have ever seen put to film, in...
Sergeant York is one of the best movies I have ever seen for showing how God can turn a life around. York, played by Gary Cooper (incidentally, when the real Sergeant York was asked for the rights to turn his life into a movie, one of his conditions was that Gary Cooper would play him) is a rough housing drunk who is a crack shot with a rifle and has a temper to match. But that all changed when in a fit of anger York goes to kill a man and God hits him with lightning, and I mean literally, and sets him down the path were he would become a reluctant national hero when war breaks out. Gary Cooper is excellent as York, having a great metamorphosis from drunkard and angry young man to an honest Christian, living out his faith, and the rest of the cast does a great job too.

So there they are, 10 classic movies that if you haven't seen I highly recommend you check out. Now I know it has been a while since my last post, and truth be told I actually started writing this post back in November, but for some reason it has taken me a long time to finish it, so I hope to post a bit more often this year, (that's 2012, for those of you reading this in the future, which would be your present, but my past, wait a minute, I think I just confused myself, man I hate time travel paradoxes) so with that said I will end this post and remind you all to be safe out there, cause you are your brothers keepers, and your sisters keepers, and most important of all, you are your bees keepers, so watch out for honey and stingers. Until next time, blog at you later.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

My 2011 Movie Watching Year

Well, it was quite a year for movies, and a year of change for a lot of things. For example, 2011 is the year I finally embraced the Blu-ray disc format. I had been on the fence up until now, and that changed this year, (an easy way to see this is that last boxing day I bought a bunch of movies, and only three of them were on Blu-ray, as opposed to this year, where I bought 31 movies on boxing day, and only one of them was on dvd, and thats only because they have yet to produce that movie on Blu-ray) and I have to say, Blu-ray is as cool as people have been saying it is, so you got me, now let it go. Moving on, 2011 is also the year that a major source for peoples movie watching changed, and what I mean with this is that my beloved Blockbuster officially closed up shop forever, (well, at least in Canada anyway, I have heard it is kinda still in the U.S., but I don’t live there, I live here, in Canada, the true north strong and free, and apparently strong and free of Blockbuster now too). This shows how much the movie watching landscape has changed. Now I don’t think it was one thing that killed Blockbuster, you can’t point your finger at Netflix and yell MURDERER!!!!! I actually think it was several things all happening at the same time that caused the mighty block to fall, like Walmart selling movies incredibly cheap, speciality movie networks on cable, pay per view on demand movies and then throw on top of that Netflix and illegal movies on the internet, and Blockbuster fell down and went boom. This year for me was also a year of lists. I printed up a few lists such as the INTERNET MOVIE DATA BASES top 250 movies list, and the AMERICAN FILM INSTITUTES top 100 movies, and then I printed up the Oscar nomination list going back to the 30’s for BEST PICTURE NOMINATIONS, and basically tried to see as many as these movies as possible, (A big thank you goes out again to Pickering Public Libraries, who gave me a ton of these to watch, even holding them for me so I could swoop* in and pick up 10 to 15 at a time, you guys rock). And last but not least, I printed up and watched all the James Bond movies through out the year in chronological order, (a big up to my dad for supplying me with the movies for this from his collection, you are my own personal Q). So, saying all that, here is my list of movies that I watched this year. I will place my total at the bottom, and just to prepare you, this may take awhile, so get reading.
Of Gods And Men, my pick so far for best movie of the year.
#’s * 12 Angry Men (1957 Version) * 12 Monkeys * 127 Hours * 2 Fast 2 Furious * 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea * 3:10 To Yuma (1957 Version) * 30 Days Of Night: Dark Days * 48 HRS * 633 Squadron

A * A Hard Day's Night * A Man For All Seasons * A Soldier's Story * A Time To Kill * A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas * A View To A Kill * The Abyss * Action Jackson * Adam * The Adjustment Bureau * The Adventures Of Hercules * The African Queen * Against All Odds * Against The Current * The Agony And The Ecstasy * Air Force One * Airplane! * Alexander The Great * All That Jazz * Almighty Thor * Amadeus * The American * An Affair To Remember * An American In Paris * An Officer And A Gentleman * Angels In The Outfield * Animal Kingdom * Another 48 Hrs * Appaloosa * Army Of One * Arn: The Knight Templar * Arthur (2011 Version) * As Good As It Gets * At First Sight * Atonement * Austin Powers: International Man Of Mystery * Avatar * The Aviator * AVP Alien VS Predator * Awakenings * Away We Go (X2)

B * Bandits * Barbie: A Fairy Secret * Barry Lyndon * Batman * Batman & Robin * Batman Forever * Batman Returns * Batman: Mask Of The Phantasm * Battle: Los Angeles (X2) * Be Cool * Beastly * The Beaver * Becket * Beetlejuice * Behemoth * Bell, Book and Candle * The Bells Of St. Mary * Beneath Hill 60 * Beowulf & Grendel * Best Worst Movie * Beverly Hills Cop * The Big Lebowski * The Big Sleep * Big Stan * The Big Year * Bird On A Wire * The Birds * The Bishop's Wife * Black Belt Jones * Black Death * Black Hawk Down * Black Rain * Black Robe * Black Samson * The Black Stallion * Black Swan * Blazing Saddles * Blitz * Body Of Lies * Bodyguards And Assassins * Boiler Room * Bonnie And Clyde * The Book Of Eli * The Boondock Saints (X2) * The Boy In The Striped Pajamas * Breakfast At Tiffany's * Breaking Away * Bride Of Frankenstein * Bridesmaids * The Bridge On The River Kwai * Broken Arrow * Bronco Billy * Brothers * Buried

C * The Caine Mutiny * Canadian Bacon * Capote * Captain America: The First Avenger (X2) * Captain Corelli's Mandolin * Carlito's Way * Carlos The Jackal * Cars 2 * Casino * Casino Jack * Casino Royale (1967 Version) * Casper * The Cat From Outer Space * Cat On A Hot Tin Roof * The Cell * Centurion * Chasing Amy * Children Of A Lesser God * Chocolat * Chris Rock: Never Scared * Christine * Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe * The Cider House Rules * The Cincinnati Kid * Cinema Paradiso * City Lights * City Of Angels * City Of God * City Slickers * Clash Of The Titans (1981 Version) * Cleopatra * Clueless * Coal Miner's Daughter * Cobra * The Code * Coffy * Columbiana * Coming Home * Coming To America * Commando * The Commitments * The Company * Conan The Barbarian (The Real One) * Conan The Destroyer * Contact * Cowboys And Aliens * Crazy Heart * Crazy Stupid Love * Crimson Tide * Crossfire Trail * The Crow * Curse Of The Golden Flower * Cyborg

D * Dangerous Minds * Dark City * Date Night * Dawn Of The Dead (2004 Version) * The Day The Earth Stood Still (2008 Version) * Daybreakers * Dazed And Confused * Dead Calm * Dead Snow * Dear John * Death Hunt * Death Race 2 * Death Race 2000 * Death Wish * Death Wish 2 * Death Wish 3 * Death Wish 4 * Deep Impact * The Defiant Ones * Despicable, Me * Devil * The Devil's Double * Diamonds Are Forever * The Diary Of Anne Frank * Die Another Day * Dinoshark * Dirty Rotten Scoundrels * Disturbing Behavior * The Diving Bell And The Butterfly * Dodgeball * Dog Day Afternoon * Doom * Double Bang * Downfall * Dr. Jekyll And Mr. Hyde * Dr. No * Dr. Strangelove: Or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb * Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story * Drive Angry * Driving Miss Daisy * Dude, Where's My Car * Due Date

E * The Eagle * Earth * Easy A * The Eiger Sanction * The Elephant Man * Elf * Elite Squad * Elizabeth * Enemy At The Gates * Enemy Of The State * Erin Brockovich * Essential Killing * Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind * Eurotrip * Everything Must Go * Ewoks: The Battle For Endor * Exam * Exit Through The Gift Shop * The Exorcist * The Expendables * The Experiment * Extraordinary Measures * Extreme Days

F & G * The Fall * Fargo * Fast And Furious * The Fast And The Furious * Fast And The Furious: Tokyo Drift * Fast Five * Faster * Fatal Attraction * Father Of The Bride (1991 Version) * The Fighter * First Knight * The Fisher King * Flashdance * Flight Of The Navigator * Fly Away Home * The Fly * Foo Fighters: Back And Forth * Food, Inc. * For Whom The Bells Tolls * For Your Eyes Only * Four Rooms * Four Weddings And A Funeral * Frankie And Johnny * Frantic * Freakonomics * Friday Night Lights * From Here To Eternity * From Russia With Love * From The Terrace * Frost/Nixon * Fuel * The Full Monty * Furry Vengeance * Gabriel Iglesias: I'm Not Fat...I'm Fluffy * Gator * The General * Get Him To The Greek * Get Low * Get Shorty * Ghost World * The Ghost Writer * Ghostbusters * Ghosts Of Mississippi * Giant * The Girl Who Kicked The Hornets Nest * The Girl Who Played With Fire * The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (The Real One) * Give'Em Hell Malone * Godzilla * The Gold Rush * Goldeneye * Goldfinger * Gone With The Wind * Goodbye Girl * Goodfellas * Goonies * Gorillas In The Mist: The Diane Fosse Story * Gosford Park * Gran Torino * Grand Illusion * The Grapes Of Wrath * Grave Of The Fireflies * Great Expectations (1946 Version) * The Great Outdoors * The Great White Hope * Green Hornet * Green Lantern (X2) * Green Zone * The Grifters * Guess Who's Coming To Dinner * Gunga Din * The Guns Of Navarone
This is the real one!
H * Hamlet (1948 Version) * The Hangover 2 * Hanna * Happy-Go-Lucky * Hard Boiled * Harry Brown * Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets * Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part 2 * Hawk The Slayer * He Got Game * Heartbeeps * Heartless * Hearts In Atlantis * Heaven Can Wait (1978 Version) * Hellboy * Hellboy: Sword Of Storms * Henry Poole Is Here * Henry V (1944 Version) * Hercules * Hereafter * Hesher * High And Low * High Noon * His Girl Friday * Hoffa * Hoodwinked Too! Hood VS Evil * Hooper * Hop * Hostage * How To Train Your Dragon (X2) * Hudsucker Proxy

I, J & K * I Am Number Four * I Love You, Man * i, Robot * Ice Twisters * I'm Still Here * Immortal Beloved * In The Heat Of The Night * Inception * Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade * Industrial Light & Magic: Creating The Impossible * Inside Job * Instinct * The International * Interview With A Vampire * Into The Wild * Invincible (2001 Billy Zane Version) * Invincible (2006 Mark Wahlberg Version) * Ip Man 2: Legend Of The Grandmaster * Ironman 2 * It's Kind Of A Funny Story * Ivanhoe * Jack Goes Boating * Jackie Brown * JFK * Jingle All The Way * John Q. * Jurassic Park * Jurassic Park 3 * Jurassic Park: The Lost World * Just Buried * Just Cause * K2: The Ultimate High * Karate Kid, The (1984 Version) * Karate Kid, The (2010 Version) * Keeping The Faith * Kelly's Heroes * Kick-Ass * The Kids Are All Right * Kiki's Delivery Service * Kill The Irishman * The Killer Inside Me * Killers * Killshot * Kindergarten Cop * The King And I * Knight And Day * Kung Fu Panda 2

L * La Strada * Lake Placid * The Last Airbender * The Last Castle * The Last Emperor * Law Abiding Citizen Unrated Directors Cut * The Lawnmower Man * Lean On Me * Leaves Of Grass * The Legend Of 1900 * Legends Of The Dark Knight: The History Of Batman * Legion * Lenny * License To Kill * The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou * Life Is Beautiful * Lilies Of The Field * Limitless * Live And Let Die * The Lives Of Others * The Living Daylights * Lock, Stock And Two Smoking Barrels * The Long, Hot Summer * Looney Tunes: Back In Action * Lord Of The Rings: Fellowship Of The Ring * Lord Of The Rings: Return Of The King * Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers * The Losers * The Lost Boys * Lost Horizon * Love & Basketball * Love & Other Drugs * Love Is A Many Splendored Thing * Love The Beast * The Lovely Bones * Lucky Number Slevin

M * M*A*S*H * Machete * Mad Dog And Glory * Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome * Madame Curie * Magnolia * Major League * Major Payne * Mallrats * The Maltese Falcon * Man On Fire * Man On The Moon * The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance * The Man Who Would Be King * The Man With The Golden Gun * The Man Without A Face * The Manchurian Candidate (1962 Version) * Manhunter * Mao's Last Dancer * Mars Attacks * Mary Shelly's Frankenstein * Maverick * Meatballs 2 * The Mechanic * Medicine Man * Mega Mind * Mega Shark VS Crocosaurus * Mega Shark VS Giant Octopus (X2) * Megafault * Men In Black * Men In Black 2 * Men Who Stare At Goats * Message In A Bottle * Metal Shifters * Metal Tornado * Miami Vice * Michael * Middle Men * Midnight Express * Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Evil * Midnight Run * The Mighty Duck * Mighty Ducks 2 * Mighty Ducks 3 * Missing * Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol * Mission To Mars * Modern Times * Monsters * Moonraker * Mortal Kombat * Mortal Kombat: Annihilation * Mouse Hunt * Mr. & Mrs. Smith * Mrs. Brown * Multiplicity * The Mummy: Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor * Munich * The Muppet Movie * Mutiny On The Bounty (1935 Version) * My Left Foot * My Life * My Neighbor Totoro (X2) * Mysterious Island

N & O* The Name Of The Rose * Nausicaa Of The Valley Of The Wind * Network * New Jack City * The Night Of The Hunter * Night Of The Living Dead * Norma Rae * North By Northwest * Nosferatu * The Number 23 * Oceans (X2) * Octopus * Octopussy * Of Gods And Men * Office Space * Old Boy * Old School * On Golden Pond * On Her Majesty's Secret Service * Once Upon A Time In America * Ondine * The One * Ong Bak * Ong Bak 3 * Ordinary People * Osamu Tezuka's Metropolis * The Ox-Bow Incident

P,Q & R * Pacific Heights * The Paradine Case * Paranormal Activity 2 * Patch Adams * Pathfinder * Paths Of Glory * Pee-Wee's Big Adventure * The People VS George Lucas * The Phantom * Philadelphia * The Philadelphia Story * The Pianist * Piranha (2010 Version) * Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides * Planet Of The Apes (1968 Version) * Platoon * Plunkett & Macleane * Point Break * Point Of No Return * Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment * Police Academy 3: Back In Training * Police Academy 4: Citizens On Patrol * The Power Of One * Predators * The Prestige * Presumed Innocent * Pretty In Pink * Pride & Prejudice * The Pride Of The Yankees * Priest * Primer * Prince Of Persia: The Sands Of Time (X2) * Princess Mononoke * Psycho * The Punisher (1998 Version) * Pygmalion (1938 Version) * Python 2 * The Queen * The Quiet Man * Quiz Show * Rain Man * Ran * Random Hearts * Ransom * Rasputin * The Razor's Edge * The Reader * The Real McCoy * Red Cliff * Red Riding Hood * The Red Shoes * Red Water * Repo Men * Requiem For A Dream * Restrepo * Resurrection * Richard Pryor Live On The Sunset Strip * Richard Pryor: Here And Now * The Ringer * Rio * The Rite * Road To Perdition * The Road Warrior * The Road * Rob Roy * Robin And Marian * Roman Holiday * The Rookie (1990 Clint Eastwood Version) * The Rookie (2002 Dennis Quaid Version) * Roxanne * The Royal Tenenbaums * The Running Man * Russell Brand In New York City * The Russia House

S * S.W.A.T.: Firefight * Sabertooth * Sahara * The Salton Sea * Sanctum * The Sand Pebbles * Saving Private Ryan * Scent Of A Woman * Schindler's List * School Of Rock * School Ties * Scott Pilgrim VS The World * Season Of The Witch * Secondhand Lions * Secret Agent * The Secret In Their Eyes * The Secret Of Nimh * Semi-Tough * Sense And Sensibility * Serenity * Sergeant York * Seven Brides For Seven Brothers (X2) * Shakespeare In Love * Sharktopus * Shaun Of The Dead * She's Out Of My League * Shiloh * Short Circuit * Short Circuit 2 * Shutter Island * The Siege * The Silence Of The Lambs * Six: The Mark Unleashed * Sky High * Skyline * Sleepers * Sleepless In Seattle * Snakes On A Train * Sniper * Sniper Reloaded * The Snow Of Kilimanjaro * Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs * The Social Network * Some Like It Hot * Somewhere * The Son Of Kong * Sophie's Choice * The Sorcerer's Apprentice * Soul Surfer * Source Code * Spaceballs * Speechless * Spiderman * Spiderman 2 * Spies Like Us * The Spirit * Splice * Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter...And Spring * The Spy Who Loved Me * St. Elmo's Fire * Stagecoach * Stake Land * Stand And Deliver * Star Trek 3: The Search For Spock * Star Trek: The Voyage Home * The Statement * Stir Crazy * Street Fighter 2: The Animated Movie * Street Fighter: Round One – Fight * The Stunt Man * Sucker Punch * Sullivan's Travels * Summer School * Sunset Boulevard * The Sunset Limited * Superman Returns * Superman/Batman: Apocalypse (X2) * Superman: The Movie Directors Cut * Supreme Champion * Swimming With Sharks * Sydney White

T, U & V * T*A*P*S * Tae Guk Gi "The Brotherhood Of War" * Take Me Home Tonight * Takers * Taking Lives * The Talented Mr. Ripley * Tangeled * Tank Girl * Tekken * Tender Mercies * THOR (X3) * THOR: Tales Of Asgard * The Three Caballeros * Three Coins In The Fountain * The Three Musketeers (2011 Version) * Thunderball * Timeline * Titanic 2 * To Sir With Love * Tomorrow Never Dies * Torque * Total Recall * Touch Of Evil * Touching The Void * The Town * The Toy * The Train * Transformers: Dark Of The Moon * The Transporter * Treasure Island * The Tree Of Life * Tremors * TRON * The Trotsky * Troy * True Grit (2010 Version) * True Grit (1969 Version) * The Truman Show * Twelve O'Clock High * Twilight: Breaking Dawn * Two For The Money * Uncle Buck * Undisputed 3 * Universal Soldier * Unknown * Unstoppable * Untamed Heart * Valhalla Rising * Vampires Suck * Vanishing On 7th Street * Veggietales: The Wizard Of Ha's * The Village * Virus

W, X, Y & Z * The Wages Of Fear * Waiting For "Superman" * Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps * The Warlords * The Warrior's Way * The Way Back * Wayne's World * Wayne's World 2 * We Were Soldiers * Whale Music * What's Eating Gilbert Grape * When Your Strange: A Film About The Doors * Where The Wild Things Are * White Christmas * White Nights * White Stripes, The: Under Blackpool Lights * Who Framed Roger Rabbit * Wimbledon * Win Win * The Wind And The Lion * Wings Of Desire * Winnebago Man * Winnie The Pooh (X2) * Winter's Bone * Without Limits * Witness For The Prosecution * The Wolfman * Working Girl * The World Is Not Enough * Wyvern * X2: X-Men United * X-Men * X-Men First Class * X-Men Origins: Wolverine * Year One * You Only Live Twice * Youngblood * You've Got Mail * Zach Galifianakis: Live At The Purple Onion (X2) * Zapped!

So there they are, all 763** of them, yep, you read that right, 763, and for those of you who suck at math, if I was to watch two a day, that would give me 730, so Booya to me for beating that mark. So yeah, I like movies, thanks for reading, and see you in the new year, hope it is a good one for you and yours. Blog at you later.

*I think I need to swoop more often, cause it is just flat out fun.
**Ok, just be honest, you can tell me if you just scrolled to the bottom of the list to see how many I watched, cause I totally know you did. Oh, and just for comparison, in 2009 I watched 291, and then in 2010 I watched 676, so it is safe to say I watch way more movies then you.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

The Incredible Mr. E And The Two Doors Of Doom

Ok, I have been watching a lot of James Bond films lately, and that means I have seen a lot of evil dudes catch Bond and instead of just putting "two" in his head like any sensible villain, they put him in a pool with sharks, or a jungle with wild animals chasing him, and Bond does what Bond always does and gets away and then beats the bad guy. So with that in mind, here is a little situation that I am going to put you in, with two diabolical choices, and you can just call me The Incredible Mr. E for this post.
So here it is. You find yourself in a jungle with two levers in front of you. The levers open doors to cages 5 miles away from you on opposite sides of the jungle. You are then told over a loudspeaker by The Incredible Mr. E, (which is me if you remember, and if you already forgot you might want to talk to a doctor about that, cause something might be wrong with you if you forget that quickly and then being stuck on my imaginary island with monsters chasing you is the least of you worries) that you have 60 seconds to pull one of the two levers, or both of the cages will open. So, which lever do you chose to pull, the left or the right? Well, what are behind the cage doors would be my first question, (and probably yours too, that or, do you know the muffin man, but the cage question is probably a bit more important right now*) so Rod Roddy**, tell em' whats behind door number one.
God Rest Your Soul Rod Roddy, Hopefully Behind Door Number One.
Well The Incredible Mr. E, behind door number one is a terrifying killing machine of a creature that stand between 6 to 8 feet tall, has a hardened exoskeleton, a razor sharp piercing tail and even if you do manage to hurt it, it has acid for blood. I am of course referring to a Xenomorph, or as you might know it better, an Alien.
Yep, Xenomorphs are the creatures found in all those ultra cool scifi movies in the Alien series. They are strong, fast and tricky, and did I mention that they are great at hiding too. Yeah, so if you pull that first lever this is what you are going to have chasing you around the jungle.
So that is door number one, but what about door number two you might say, that has to be better then an acid filled monster, right? Well, how about something that likes to hunt acid filled monsters for sport, cause thats what is behind door number two.
Predators, (from the aptly named Predator series) are smart, quick and very strong aliens standing roughly 6 to 7 feet tall, (not the xenomorph type, but aliens in the, "there not from around here" variety). They are also incredibly advanced, with cool energy weapons and space ships and....theres something else, something I'm forgetting,..... what is it, oh yeah, they can become freakin invisible. Yep, Predators have this ultra cool tech that basically covers their entire body and for all intents and purposes, makes them invisible, which comes in really handy, cause in case you haven't figured it out yet, Predators are called Predators cause they are hunters, and they are really really good at tracking things down and then killing them.
So, you are back in the jungle, standing in front of those two levers, the one on the left letting out a Xenomorph, the one on the right letting out a Predator. You have 60 seconds, or both of the cage doors are going to open automatically and then you are doubly screwed, cause this island is the only island in the history of the world where Predators and Xenomorphs will not kill each other, due to a chemical that I, The Incredible Mr. E, have injected them both with. So if you were banking on letting the time run out and both cage doors opening with the possibility of the two killing each other, then you are pretty much dead, cause they will just catch you together and then sit down on a checked table cloth and split you like a bucket of chicken. So, tick tock, tick tock, make a choice, and pull a lever, and then run for life.
So there you go, that is my super villain diabolical plot. So pick your poison, or killer alien, as the case my be, and until next time when I kidnap you and put you in a impossibly impossible*** situation, this is The Incredible Mr. E saying, remember to spade and neuter you pets and aliens, and poop and scoop always, unless of course your pet is a Xenomorph, cause then you will just melt your hands trying to pick that stuff up, but other then that poop and scoop away. Until next time, blog at you later.
Now here is a movie that I think we can all get behind.
*To answer your other possible question, Yes, I do know the muffin man, we go way back, before he got all famous with the songs and blinged out solid gold gum drop buttons, back then we just called him "M", and let me tell you, I liked him better before all the money and fame changed him. I miss you "M", I miss you.
**Some of you are probably wondering, Who the heck is Rod Roddy? All I can say is, ask your parents, they will know.
***Yeah, you read that right.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Pixar Smackdown: Round Five

Welcome back to the fifth round of......
Pixar Smackdown
Well, maybe it was the Superman picture that spurred people on, (but I doubt it) but for the first time in Pixar Smackdown there was a complete shutout, with one movie utterly destroying the competition And that movie is...
Yeah, The Incredibles scored a perfect shut out, 5 to 0, (pathetic voter turn out once again rules the day) over Lightning McQueen and company, but I kinda figured it would, superheros are so much cooler then automobiles.
So, now onto the next round, where maybe Mater will have a second coming, cause the first movie up is.......
Ok, here is the thing, I haven't actually seen Cars 2 yet, while most of my family has seen it twice now, (due to birthday parties and
 school trips), so I can't really say much about it other then it looks funny, and both of my daughters liked it, so if you have seen it and thought it rocked, then give it your vote. And for this round, keeping in the vein of sequels, Cars 2 is going up against the first movie that Pixar ever did as a sequel....
Yep, just as Cars got beat in its first time up to bat, so did Toy
Story, when it lost to Monsters Inc., and now it gets another chance
to go to infinity, or even possibly beyond. The second time out for Buzz and Woody is a pretty awesome movie, continuing the theme of what toys go through and the issues of abandonment that they will start to feel as their kid owners get older, (this is brought to its conclusion in the third movie, but we are not there yet). As in the first time out, the animation is stellar, the voice work awesome and the humor is great.
So, what sequel is better, not just your favorite, but the better made movie, and for the love of me, vote for once in your life, its your civic internet duty after all. So place your vote on the pole on the right side of the page, and make sure to floss, at least once a year, or maybe sooner, yeah, sooner is better. So until next time, stick and move, and shuck and jive, and float like a butterfly and sting like a beamer, or something like that. Until then, blog at you later.