M.I.A.? The Case Of The Annoyingly Stupid Block

Its been a while since my last post, (as my friend Davis just pointed out to me yesterday) so I will fill you in on why I haven't been posting.

Yep, I have had a really bad case of writers block, where I just end up staring at my iPad screen for what seems like hours, and nothing comes, and that really hasn't changed, but I thought I would just write and see what comes out, so here goes.

This is the screen I looked at for a couple hours before just
adding the above pictures and the text below and calling it a day.

Well...........that sucked. A couple of hours and a few movies watched later, and this is as far as I got, so lets just say, writers block sucks, and here is a picture of awesomeness to make up for my blockyness.

And that's all I got, blog at you later, whenever that is.

Well That Sucked! Movies That Let You Down.

Have you ever been totally hyped for a movie to come out, cause you saw the trailer and it blew you away, or it is a live action feature film from a cartoon series that you love, or is a continuation or, a "prequel", (curse you Georgey for messing with perfection by placing stupid crap before it)? Well, for some of us this is a huge problem, (for my BFFF this happened with Hitchhickers Guide To The Galaxy, which let him down huge) and for one family that are friends of mine, it actually prompted a first for my blog, which is, I am giving someone else a chance to talk for once. So I am going to start it off by quickly listing a few movies that have been huge let downs for me, and then I am going to turn it over to my friend Michelle for the big kibosh at the end, (Any comments that are mine during that section I will have in green writing, so no one gets confused about who is saying what). So without further blathering, lets get on with the disappointment.

So first up on my list is the abominations that are the 3 Star Wars prequels. I love Star Wars so much, (my very first tattoo was of the rebel symbol, and I was so ticked off by how much the prequels let me down that I got it covered up) and was so excited that they were

This is not my Star Wars universe!!!

 coming out that for a while I let any plot holes, bad acting and overall suckage just slide, cause I thought I was getting a Star Wars movie. Well, by the time the 3rd one came out, all that glimmer and shine had faded and all I could see was how bad the movies actually were, and man oh man, it felt like getting kicked in the gut. It ticked me off so much that I sold my copies of them and have been lucky enough to never have had to sit through one again.*

Next up is X-men Origins: Wolverine. Now, let me say that I don't think that this is a terrible movie. In fact, I think it is pretty good, well, at least for the first half anyway. The first half is really great actually, with some awesome clashes and some incredibly funny lines. Seeing Deadpool, (that is the character that Ryan Reynolds

Why did they make it suck in the second half?
Why?!!!!!!!

 plays) on film finally was great, being the incredibly funny badass that he is, and you get to see Wolverine do his thing too, but then midway through, right after the whole taking down the helicopter, it just starts making less and less sense and sucking more and more. And then they top it all off by sealing the lips of the funniest guy in the movie? Really? What the heck were they thinking, and I am not even gonna start on the whole Adamantium bullet thing, cause I don't have the time or the patience for such stupidity. Needless to say, I was incredibly let down when it was all over as I walked out of the theater.

The last two I will talk about before I hand it over to Michelle are The Score and The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus . The Score is a movie that should have been awesome, it has Edward Norton, (who is the main redeeming thing in the movie) Robert De Niro and one of Marlon Brandos last performances, but sadly it is not that good a film. Also, the trailer for it made it seem like a much more complex a plot then it really was, and so I think that made for part of the problem. As for The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus , the hype surrounding this movie was huge cause it was the last movie Heath Ledger made before his untimely passing, and it had a really good cast. Sadly though, it had an incredibly muddled plot, poor acting and was so boring that Bethany and I only got through half of it before turning it off. Both movies left me disappointed, and annoyed, but that is nothing compared to how the Russell family felt, and for more on that, here is Michelle.

This is the Russell Family, in all their awesomeness.

My family, not unlike most other families, is usually super busy with lots of places to go. That's true almost every day of the week, except Saturday. On Saturday mornings we wake up when we want to, and then snooze until we get hungry for breakfast. The kids all jump into the parents' bed, and we watch Saturday morning cartoons (which aren't as good as they use to be), (I totally agree with Michelle on this point, Saturday morning cartoons used to rock hard, now they just show stuff that they already show the rest of the week, and have almost entirely given everything over to anime, not that anime is a bad thing, but it just shows a lack of creativity on the north american animation side). A few years back, a new cartoon came on called "Avatar - The Last Airbender". We watched it and quickly got caught up in the story line.

The core of the story is that - The long lost master of the elements has returned to the world. He awakens to find that the World is at war and "out of balance". The foundation of their world is that there are four main elements (represented in four tribes of people), one of the elements/tribes (FIRE) has become too powerful and is trying to dominate all the other elements/tribes, (why does fire always have to be the bad guys, for once it should be someone else, like the salad people, cause we all know that salad is evil**) . It turns out that the Master of all the elements (The Avatar) was just a kid when he was told of his overpowering responsibility to ensure the world stayed in balance, so he got scared. You see 100 years ago the boy thought it a really big responsibility to keep a whole world in balance, so he decided to take a vacation before starting his Avatar training. After running away, the stupid kid accidentally used his powers to suspend himself in time, and his short vacation has turned into a hundred year sleep, (I did this once, I think it was called high school). He awakens to the fact that his race is now extinct, and he is - THE LAST AIRBENDER.

That's a great starting point, but what really gets you involved in this cartoon is the characters. Aang is funny, innocent, and powerful, but by himself he can't carry the whole show. He needs a sensible and determined friend/love interest, to join him (named Katara). He also needs the brilliant and hilarious brother figure (named Sokka). Together these three provided my family with laughter and excitement on a sleepy Saturday morning. The three main characters traveled their world, meeting a huge cast of unique characters. The quest is to train the young Avatar for the day he must face the Fire-Lord (and bring peace back to the world). That's not all, the writers were awesome enough to also provide us with a full blown prodigal son character. Our main villain is embodied in the banished son of the Fire-Lord named Prince Zuko. The prince has with him (as he chases Aang) his wise and seemingly lazy Uncle Iroh who is just an older form of Sauka (Aangs' comic relief).

My family would not start our Saturday without first waiting to watch the next episode of this show. Everyone laughed, and at the end of the episode we would all talk about the events and what we think should happen next. Then we heard about the movie being made. We got so excited because our little Saturday morning ritual was going to be made into a full blown movie - with awesome special effects, and real fight scenes, and more Sokka jokes. It had the blessing of the outstanding co-creators, and of the studio (Nicolodian). It had an award winning director and some-what known actors. What it did not have was the writing staff of the original series or a good special effects team.

The day my family went to see this film we were so excited. The movie was DISASTROUS. We couldn't figure out why none of the main characters resembled their original counter-parts. They even had different names! Who renames a main character? Should we rename Elizabeth Bennett, or Anne (with an e) Shirley, or Aragorn, or Harry Potter, or King Arthur? NO... No director or writer should ever mess with the name of the main character. But he did...

We tried to get past the name thing but we were immediately presented with another major problem. Nobody was funny! Not one hint of a laugh throughout the whole movie. Zuko was super stiff and so was his uncle. Aang had very few lines (and he couldn't act so maybe that's why he wasn't allowed to speak), and Sauka had even less to say. Why is it that the three main characters don't have anything of real substance to say? Maybe because they didn't have time.

Oh No You Didn't!!!!!!!!!!!

The story line moved through the events of the television series as though it was a checklist of events that had to be done. Actually; they didn't get the checklist done either. They left out Souka's first love interest (the

Kyoshi Warriors) and barly touched the fact the Katara wasn't allowed to practice her waterbendin (because of sexism). When the first real fight scene came, it was a real let down. In their world when people fight, they use their ability to bend the elements to do the fighting for them. Not in the movie. The acting was stiff and the special effects reminded me of the days of claymation. It was so obvious that there was no connection between the effect and the actor. My whole family groaned when it took seemingly forever for someone to "generate enough power to pick up some water". We continued to watch, hoping and willing the movie to get better, but it was all in vain. The climax scene near the end when GOOD TRIUMPHS OVER EVIL. In the cartoon it is an awesome display of the power of the spirit world, but in the movie it did not happen.

The season ending scene of the tv show begins with Aang surrendering himself to the WATER SPIRIT, to be used to avenge the death of his beloved MOON SPIRIT. Through Aang the Water spirit creates an overpowering water monster that single handily destroys the entire Fire Nation Navy. The people that bow down to him - live. The people that don't bow - get smashed. In the movie - that doesn't happen. The Water Spirit swims helplessly as the Moon Spirit is murdered. The fights take place between the people, and at the end when the Moon is brought back to life, Aang water-bends a big wave to gently push the Fire Navy ships away.

Could this movie been more disappointing? Recently I decided to watch it on DVD again, just in case I was too hard on it the first time. I must say that I got even more disappointed. It's because I was able to really appreciate the huge vacuum that was left. It was as though the characters we watched on Saturday mornings were not even there. Not their names, not their powers, not their humor, not their friends, not their anything. I

This is Justine, she kinda
hates me right now cause
I said I liked the movie.

 blame the co-creators (Michael DiMartino and and Bryan Konietzko) and Nickolodian for abandoning Aang and friends to the half-hearted whims of a one-hit wonder director, (this is where I hugely disagree with Michelle, M. Night is an incredible director that has some amazing and successful movies. The Sixth Sense made $661,500,000, Signs $407,900,000 and The Village $114,195,633 at the box office, and that is not including DVD sales, so one hit wonder he is not, also he made number 17 on my top 20 best movies of all time list, so just cause you hated this movie, don't hate the man). If the original writers were used instead of "Shyama-bomb" ,(ah ha ha, that is so creative of you Michelle, taking M. Nights name and putting Bomb in it, you should do this for a living) then maybe this movie might have had a fighting chance. After watching the film I felt compelled to immediately watch all the TV episodes on DVD to purge myself of the bad taste left in my soul. Needless to say my family is really hoping that Nickolodian does not give permission to Mr. Shyamalan to make the next two seasons into a movie. He just can't do them justice.

Michelle Russell

So there you have it, movies that were a huge disappointment to me and my friends. Let me know some of the movies that you felt like this about, cause it is my experience that it varies from person to person. Until next time, stay classy true believers, and always eat your breakfast with a spoon, no matter what it is. Blog at you later.

*I introduced my daughters to Star Wars last year, and they now tell their friends on the play ground that start talking about clone wars and prequel nonsense that, "Those aren't real Star Wars movie!", and oh does it make me so proud.

**My oldest daughter Marajade would disagree with me on this point, cause she loves Salad, but I stand by my statement, it is evil.

Beyond Film: Movies That Are More Than Movies

With as many movies as I watch and then write reviews for, occasionally I find movies that you just can't easily give ratings to, mainly because of their subject matter and cultural impact. What I am talking about are movies that are more then movies, movies that it just seems silly to compare with other movies. So it is with this thought that I now give you 4 films that I think have surpassed the medium they were made in and have become something more.


Philadelphia

When I started to think about doing this post, a few movies jumped to mind immediately, but for some reason my movie blogging brian thought that two was too little for a post, (get it, two and too, sometimes my genius scares me) so I started to rack my brian for some more (I actually was so stumped that I asked my wife and my best friend if they could think of any movies that fit the bill, but they couldn't think of any either then the ones I had already come up with, so they weren't much help) and then after finally figuring out one more, that still left one spot to fill, and that is when I found it, when I rewatched the movie Philadelphia.

Philadelphia is a movie about justice, rights, humane treatment, tolerance, bigotry, and over coming fears. I came to the conclusion that Philadelphia is a movie that is more than a movie when I sat down to try and write a review about it. I started to think about its subject matter, dealing with homosexually, aids and prejudice, and then I thought about what other movies I could possibly compare it to, and I came up empty. I couldn't think of any other film that looks at what Philadelphia does and had as much impact and carries as much weight as it did and still does today. Now regardless of whatever you, I, or anybody else believes about homosexuality, whether it is viewed as a sin, or you think it is right or wrong, or that it is genetic or is a personal individual choice, none of that gives anyone the right to treat people badly, especially the way Tom Hanks character is treated. Philadelphia looks at issues and asks questions that no

 other film does. It makes you think about the nature of man and leaves the viewer with an ending that raises more question then it gives answers to, and it is because of this that it is more then just a movie, and definitely more then just a movie about a gay man who was treated unfairly. Philadelphia asks us to dig much deeper then simple entertainment and it does it with Tom Hanks and Denzel Washington giving incredible performances, and that just makes it all that much more better.

The Godfather

A couple of weeks ago I was talking to the co-leader of the guys small group that we lead at church, (big shout out to the guys, you may not know this but it was you guys who inspired me to actually start this whole blog thing, so if you like it a big BOOYA goes out to you, if you don't you are not reading this anyway, so BLBB) and he mentioned that The Godfather was the best movie of all time, (if you have been reading my blog then you will already know that The Godfather didn't even make make my top 20 movies of all time, no matter grabbing the number 1 spot) and when I told him he was wrong he told me I was wrong and we proceeded to fight,

where I totally wiped the floor with him and made him cry and recant his Godfather proclamation, (at least, that is how it went in my head, if I am being factual and placing this in reality I think we just agreed to disagree and moved on with leading the small group, but who knows, I could be wrong). Anyway, one of the reasons that The Godfather didn't make my list is that I didn't rate it as a five star movie, but that was mainly due to its length, violence and nudity, but that doesn't mean that I don't appreciate it for being the incredible film it is. Its just, I view The Godfather as being more than just a movie, and that is mainly due to the impact it has had on culture.

The Godfather is a movie like no other, sure there have been other mob movies, or crime movies, but for some reason The Godfather has become something more then just a movie about an Italian crime family, it has entered the minds of entire generations, (notice I put an s on the end of that word. The Godfather has not

 just impacted the generation it was made for, but also pretty much every generation since, even some teens are already embracing it, heck it was even turned into a videogame) and then has been reflected back in their general consciousness. With that you can see its influence in countless movies, novels, songs and even paintings, (I might be wrong about the paintings, but who knows, someone probably paints Godfather paintings, of Vito, or maybe horse heads, or maybe even a guy sleeping with the fishes. What! It could happen). Yep, The Godfather is all over the place in media, from romantic comedies like, "You've Got Mail", to kids movies where they love using the line, "I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse!". Its influence is pretty much everywhere, and it is for that reason that comparing it to other movies, especially ones in the same genre just doesn't work. So although I don't think it is the best movie of all time, I do think it is something more then just a movie, and that might help some people understand why it wasn't on my list, so please, would you stop putting hamster* heads in my bed, I get the message already.

Schindler's List

There have been a few films about the Jewish holocaust, but not more impacting then Schindler's List. I watched this again a little while ago, and as the title of this posts states, it is a movie that is more then a movie. As I wrote my review on flickster I had a great deal of trouble in saying why it was a 5 star movie. Now I fully think it is, but when I looked at it, with the cinematography, score, lighting, direction, acting, actors, pace, and all the other countles things I think about when judging a film, well, they all just kinda fell away.

I just couldn't get past how important and moving Schindler's List was. The plight of the jews during the second world war is something that is breathtakingly terrible. What they endured as a people was unbelievably cruel and never before was there such a movie that looked at this in such stark reality as Schindler's List. Speilberg created something that was revolting while at the same time uplifting, disgusting while beautiful and although it is not a movie that is fun to watch, it is an incredibly rewarding experience to do so. That is why it is more then just a movie. Most movies

 transport the viewer somewhere, quite often for entertainment and relaxation purposes, but that is not what Schindler's List is meant for. It is a hard, brutal look at mans inhumanity to man, that doesn't pull any punches and doesn't over exaggerate what happened. It is more then a movie, it is a visual history with every aspect of the film making experience excellently covered. So, to try and really treat it like any other movie would be dumb, and that is why I include it on this list.

The Passion Of The Christ

Last on my list, (or more correctly, first on my list, cause when I started to put together this post, The Passion Of The Christ was the first movie that went on it) is the most brutal and sincere telling of the crucifixion of Jesus to ever be put on film. When Mel Gibson, (I know he has gone nuts as of late, but that doesn't change what he did in making this film) wanted to make an ultra realistic movie version of the execution of Christ, no one thought it would fly. Every studio that Mel went to said no, that it was not a movie that was necessary and that it would make no money. So he decided to make it himself, with his own money, and man oh man did the studios regret their decision. It cost Gibson 30 million dollars when it was all said and done to make The Passion Of The Christ, which made $370,782,930 in north america alone, you read that right, over THREE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY MILLION, and guess who got all that money, Mel Gibson.

Now, why did The Passion Of The Christ make so much money? Well, it did something that no other film had done before, show what Jesus actually went through. There have been plenty of Jesus movies over the years, some have been good, some terrible, but they all have one thing in common, they played down the brutal reality of what being whipped and crucified looked like. Many of the movies had Jesus on a cross in a white robe, no blood anywhere to be seen, this is where The Passion Of The Christ is different. If you read the bible, the 4 gospels talk about Jesus being crucified, but they never go into great detail, do you ever

wonder why? Well, my theory is that crucifixion was something that the early readers of the bible would have understood. There was no need to give details about something that people already had a clear vision of taking place, same with a Roman whipping. The people of the day knew what that entailed, so when they say Jesus was whipped and then carried his cross and was crucified, they got it. We on the other hand, don't, and for the first time on film, people got to see a sample of what Jesus went through. I for one will admit, The Passion Of The Christ is an incredibly hard movie to watch at times, it is brutal and unflinching in its portrayal of the events leading up to Jesus being crucified, and many times through out watching it I was brought to tears by what I was seeing. Now, Mel Gibson made a very good looking film, (that has been another problem with Christian movies of the past, the production value, acting, directing, pretty much anything you can think of all sucked) that easily rates being 5 stars for me, but again, how the heck do I compare it with anything else on film. The answer is you can't. The Passion Of The Christ is the epitome of a movie that is way more then just a movie, it is a love story of God to man, that just happens to use the medium of movies to do it, and that is the problem when talking about it as a normal movie.

So there you have it, 4 movies that I feel are way more then just movies. They have each done something that no other film has done, looking at issues, and impacting culture in ways that will shape their viewers and open up channels of communication about incredibly important issues for years to come. They are more then just entertainment, or art, they are movies, but so much more then just movies, and that is all I really got to say about that. So until next time, keep your eyes open internet masses, cause you might just see something awesome**, who knows, it could happen.

*We don't own any horses, so putting a horse head in my bed would just seem out of place, plus where the heck would you get one, its not like horses are just lying around, with detachable heads. Now what we do have is hamsters, lots of them, we started with two "boys" which seemed to fight a lot, but after a while we found that the one boy gave birth to eight babies, so I guess the pet store sucks at figuring out gender, so we have hamsters a plenty to take the heads of and place them in bed with me, although it just doesn't seem to have the same effect, but I guess you work with what you got.

**Keeping your eyes open also helps you not bump into things and/or walk off cliffs, so it is kinda good all around advice if you ask me.

Jesus Hits Like The Atom Bomb: Wetworks Theology

For the majority of my life I was a part of a church that was run under a paramilitary style of leadership. It has soldiers instead of members, officers instead of pastors, and the guy (or girl sometimes, they were kinda ahead of the curve when it comes to women and ministry) who is in charge of it all is called the General. Now, being raised in this since childhood, I kinda got used to thinking of theological things in war or military terms (not all the time mind you, but it was pretty much drilled into me from a young age, and the Apostle Paul did this occasionally too, and he rocked pretty hard, so it seemed to fit well). So from this you have all the, "fight the good fight" and , "put on the full armor of God" and what have you, and other such awesomeness (for more on this I suggest you read your Bible, I am just a blog guy after all, and as awesome as I might be, you just can't beat the Word of God). Well from all those super cool military references, (ten hut, drop and give me 20 prayers on the double*) I have developed a couple of thoughts of my own about the whole warfare and theology thing, and where I fit into all of it. So, without further rambling on my part, (wait a minute, that is all I do in this blog, so I guess I should say, and now for some further rambling on my part. Oh well) here are some of the things that I came up with, and since I am a movie guy, I will give some super cool film examples in case you want to see what I am talking about.

Ok, so I am saving what I am most like for last, but to start I will go with one of the things that I wish I was. Snipers are pretty awesome (assuming they're on your side), when ever I play a shooter type video game, (like Resident Evil 4, Goldeneye, Pac Man, you know, all the big ones) the first weapon I always go for is the sniper rifle. It has always just been pretty cool hiding out somewhere and picking off people one by one while they have no clue what just happened (strangely enough, I guess this would be a good way to go, one second you are bored, guarding your post, the next second your chillin with Jesus. He looks at you, you look at Him, you give Him a puzzled stare, He shrugs His shoulders and says, "Sniper", you take a second and then you both have a good laugh about it. Well, that is if the sniper that gets you is good, and doesn't miss just a bit and you die slowly wondering if you forgot to return that DVD to the library, or become a vegetable, possibly broccoli, or eggplant, but I am pretty sure either one would suck). So right about now you are wondering where all that God stuff I was talking about earlier is, so here we go. You know those little old ladies that have reserved seating at church, you know, the ones that have been there forever and will tell you to move if you are sitting in their spot. Sure you do, they are the ones that take their bulletins home, and highlight all the names of the people on the blue sheet (or, at least at my church it is a blue sheet, it may be a different color at yours, like yellow, or green, or fuchsia, depending how out there your church is) and then they go into their bedroom with said blue sheet and get on their knees and drop kick Satan through a spiritual brick wall, (and then depending how good at prayer they are, they might throw him down into the ground and make a cool crater of smashed pavement and water pipes, like what happen to Neo in the 3rd matrix movie, hey, I talked about him being Jesus in another post, how is that for synergistic self cross promotion). What I am talking about here is what most people would call, "Prayer Warriors" or, "Demon Kickers" as I like to call them. These are people who know how to pray, and I mean really know. Unlike the rest of us, (me being very guilty of this) these are the people who take prayer for what God says it is, talking to him directly and bringing those things that need attention before his throne. Demon Kickers don't always have to be old ladies too, sometimes kids fill this role, (cause they also tend to pray hard core, they love Jesus and when they are not praying for a pony, they scare the crap out the devil with their sincerity ) but truth be told, prayer warriors can be any age. Now, you might be asking, but what about the snipers, where do they come in? Well, Prayer Warriors and Snipers do the identical thing in warfare, whether it is physical or theological. They both work from the outside in. Snipers place themselves in strategic locations and usually cover the rest of the soldiers, with well placed shots that will save lives. Prayer warriors do the exact same thing, only with prayer. When Christians are down and being pushed around by life and Satan, Prayer Warriors are just like snipers, in the fact that they are not up front on the battle lines, (in this case what I mean is they don't show up at your house with a pot roast and sit you down and fix all your problems, or at the hospital, no pot roast this time, but possibly flowers, but then again, I do know some old ladies who might show up at the hospital with a pot roast, either way, prayer warriors don't generally do this. Aww man, now I want some pot roast) but they are definitely in the fight, and just as in all battles, they are absolutely essential for victory. So, when you "pray hard" and demons have to go change their undergarments, well then congratulations, you are a sniper, now go get shootin. (for some great sniper movies I suggest, "Shooter" with Mark Walhberg, "Enemy At The Gates" with Jude Law and the aptly named, "Sniper" with Tom Berenger)

Wow, that was a long description, but that is mainly cause snipers are fun to talk about, so the next couple of comparisons will be much shorter, I promise. And the next one is...
Bombers are mainly used in warfare when you need to effect damage on a large scale yet very selective area. Bombers are used less now a days because of all the super cool satellite rocket smart bomb thingamajigs, (I love that my spell check actually knew how to spell that word) but throughout the history of modern warfare one thing is certain, the country that held the air, won the war, and bombers were an incredibly important part of that. So, if snipers are prayer warriors, then bombers in my mind would be super evangelists. Now when I say super evangelists, I want to be clear, I mean real evangelists, (so if they are on TV and smack people on the head to beat their cancer out of them, or sell super purified holy water that was taken from a small village in the mountains of Wannahaukaluggy, or ask for money so that they will not die in the next 7 minutes, well, those are not the people I am talking about) and I can think of no one who fits this role better then, you guessed it, Bono. Yep, Bo..... What the heck, sorry, I got to stop listening to old U2 songs when writing these things (truth be told, I wasn't listening to U2 while writing this, I was actually watching a movie, but saying that I was listening to U2 made for a better joke. Ahh, I am glad to get that off my chest, now I will return you to your regularly scheduled post with a clear conscience). What I meant to say was, Billy Graham. So how is Billy Graham a bomber? You see, no one sends a bomber to kill one man, (well, that is unless that one man is ARNOLD, in his latest blockbuster, "Stop, Or I Will Throw My Walker At You", coming soon to a theater near you) and just the same, Billy Graham never came to town just to tell one person about Jesus. Billy Graham is a bomber, sure and true. He showed up to a town and would lay waste to sin that was holding people captive on a large scale, and then just as a bomber, once his job was done, he would fly on to the next mission. So, the next time you see a super evangelist, (for some of the Acquire The Fire generation, Ron Luce would fit the bill too) think of bombers, and you will probably laugh a little bit, and possibly duck and cover. Moving on. (For some great movies about Bombers watch "Pearl Harbor" (which is not a great movie, but it does have a lot of bombers), Tweleve O'Clock High with Gregory Peck and the best bomber movie of all time, "Memphis Belle")

Commanders, Majors or Generals, these are all pastors (the main difference between them is the size of the church they lead). You see, the complexities of being in charge of large groups of individ....(aw, you should be able to figure this one out by now, so I will give you some credit and plus, I want to get to me and my super cool military God stuff, cause this is all about me after all, so lets just say you get it and we can move on.)

Ok, so we are finally at the whole reason I wrote this post and the main reason I developed some of these crazy philosophies. Out of all the war and soldier type people and styles that I know of, there is one that fits me more then any other, and that is WETWORKS Wetworks is a term that is not commonly known by most people, but what it basically means is close combat killing. Now, most people right now are either shocked or confused, or possibly shofused (shofused is a word that I just made up for people who are both shocked and confused, yet too busy to do both, see how thoughtful I am) but just wait a minute and I will explain, but first I have to have a flashback (insert cool wavy blury visuals and a neat echoy sound effect here as I think back, it totally makes this post better). It was last year some time, that my church had a men's retreat, which I had the chance to attend. At the retreat one of the speakers was talking about some men who were doing great things for God. One of them was setting up mines in Africa that benefited the whole area, (one of the conditions for this expert mine digger was that he would only dig if the company that hired him would build a school and hospital in the community where it would be located. Good on him.) and there were several other ones (to be honest I can't remember them all), and they all are doing some pretty awesome stuff for God, running business and large ministries. Now, the reason I am mentioning this is that after hearing all that, I stood up and admitted that I am useless in all those areas, but that is only because God made me for something different. Now, on that day, I kinda talked about wetworks theology, but not in so many words, (I actually developed wetworks theology about 5 years ago, and I did a big post about it on my first blog, pity I deleted it all, since I am lazy, and recycling is good for you and the environment, even the virtual kind) so here it is, why I am a wet works guy. Wetworks is all about up close and personal combat, where you have to be up in the sweat and guts and blood of the person you are fighting. Unlike snipers who are off in the distance, and bombers who are all about the mass effect, wetworks is very personal. Now I will be completely honest, the reason wet works is called wet works is cause quite often, when two men try and kill each other in close quarters combat, (usually with blades of some type, maybe knives, possibly swords, or in some cases the rarely seen woman's pink razor, it all depends how hard core you want to go) it becomes very messy and very sticky, and very very bloody, and when it is all said and done, even the man who is left standing is, well, wet (with blood, but wet none the less, hey, Marvel comics has a major league superhero that is all about wetworks, take a stab at who it is, or just look at the picture below, either way works). Ok, so here is why this applies to me, you see, I can't dig mines, or run a big ministry, but where I do my best work is up close and personal, where I can get messy in the lives of people. This is not a ministry that many have, especially when it comes to teens (I often find that lots of people love working with kids, cause they are cute and funny and often think that their leaders are amazing and will tell them so, all the time. Teens on the other hand are always going through stuff. They have problems, attitudes and hand shakes, that to be honest, are all incredibly complex and hard to understand (Shout out here for my buddy Josh and our squidy props) and they tend to roll their eyes a lot. All those things and many more cause most leaders to shy away from teens and run for the kiddies as fast as I run for the boarder, ahh, the beauty of Taco Bell**) but for me, the closer I get to people the easier it is for me to help them. Now, this often becomes, "wetworks" because when the way you help people is by getting close to them, so that they learn that they can trust you, it often gets messy, cause no matter how cool, sweet or smart you are, or nice your family is, everybody has issues, and they are never pretty. Wetworks is all about getting into the guts, being as close as possible and not being afraid to get dirty doing it. This also goes along really well with another gift that God gave me, which is abstract thinking. I once took a psych test, and I mean a real 4 hour long psych test, and I was pretty average in a lot of areas, but I scored off the charts on 2 points. The first was being funny, and the second was abstract thinking (ok, the being funny thing is not true, but if they did have a category for that I would have totally killed it). Abstract thinking is where you can take things that are concepts and ideas and understand them fairly easily, and in my case I can also explain to others how it all works, (this is great when working with teens, cause when they drop the "I know everything" act, they start to ask awesomely hard questions). Practical things like how an engine works in a car, or plumbing under a sink or computer systems, well, they all baffle the heck out of me, but want to talk theology and the propitiation*** of Jesus' act on the cross, then I am your guy. Ok, here is what wetworks is not. It is not fast, (you have to develop relationships, this takes time and lots of trips to coffee shops and cool video game sessions) it is not widespread, (you can only help a small number of people compared to other styles of ministry, I personally have about 30 teens I am getting close with, and in that group there are probably 10 that I am starting to go deeper with, so I am really learning to try and use my time wisely) and most of all, it is not clean, (when my people feel pain, and share that pain, it effects me, I cry when they cry, I hurt that they hurt, and although I love that I can help, it is not always the easiest path to be on). I would love to be a sniper (God, we need to talk more anyway) and I never wanted to be a bomber, (preaching can be fun though) but getting dirty in peoples lives so that they can become closer with God, well, that is home to me, that is where God has placed my heart, and that is why I am a wetworks guy. (For some movie references about wetworks I recommend "The Hunted" with Tommy Lee Jones, and "The Chronicles Of Riddick" and "Pitch Black" with Vin Diesel)

Ok, so there you have it, my crazy warfare theology. I could go on and on, about the different roles people play in ministry and which type of soldier they are, but I hope you have gotten the idea by now. Saying that, I would love to hear anybody else's take on ministries that they think fit the bill, so feel free to leave a comment, (you know, in the area just below this that says, "Comment". Yeah, you can actually leave me a thought, or message, or your personal banking information, which ever you feel most comfortable) so until next post, stay classy internet people, stay classy.
*This is just a joke, they don't actually make you do that, although I am a little surprised they don't.
**Just to let you know in case you were wondering, I am not sponsored by Taco Bell, but would love to be, or if you like me you could just by me a double beef cheesy burrito, I'm just saying.
***I know that propitiation in is a big $6 word, so here is what it means, "to turn away wrath", so in this case, Jesus fulfilled propitiation for us when he died on the cross, taking all the wrath that we deserve and placing it upon himself. Now, go impress your friends with your super cool new word.

Your Blog Is Named What?

So, it has been about a month since I started this crazy little thing called blog, and some of you who know me well probably understand the meaning of its name, (that would be only about 2 or 3 people) but everyone else probably thinks I am nuts, or that I have a fetish for earth toned outer wear (I can neither confirm nor deny that second one, so I will just leave that out there for internetland to gossip about). Well, here it is, the post where I explain why the heck my blog is named what my blog is named.

So, I guess the first thing you need to know is, who is Jesus. Well, Jesus is the son of God. He goes by a bunch of cool names, you can find them in this "good" book called, The Bible. Check it out if you are looking for a good read and/or an awesome savior. Moving on.

So, this leads to the next question, What the heck is a brown coat? Ok, so this is where it helps if you know me. Cause if you really know me, then you know I am a huge Firefly fan. Now here is where you get to say, what the heck is Firefly?..........................., go on, I'll wait, ................., no really, you can say it..................... good, now don't you feel better, it is like we are having some super information highway conversation experience, except I am probably watching a movie right about now and you are here, reading my blog. Anyway, so here is a quick history lesson. In 2002, Joss Weadon made a tv show called Firefly, it was original, it was funny, it was cancelled very quickly. Yep, it lasted half a season before the nice* people at Fox scrapped it. But because of its creators love, that is not where the story ends, more on that later. So, as for the show itself, it was about a ship called Serenity and its crew. The crew was made up by an assortment of misfit characters. There was Mal, the jaded but decent Captain, Zooey, his wartime best friend and first mate, Kaylee, the adorable ships mechanic, Jayne (this is a guy, so don't make fun of the name, cause he will kill you) who is the ships all around muscle, and Wash, the funny laid back pilot who is married to Zooey. Besides the crew, there are others who are traveling on Serenity. There is an older monk/priest named Shepard Book, Inara, who is a companion (think religious order, that also doubles as a high priced escort), along with River and Simon Tam, a brother and sister duo who are on the run from the universal government for too many reasons to go into in this post.

Ok, now that you have a little back story on the characters, I will get to the whole "Browncoat" aspect of Firefly. You see, the series starts during an intergalactic civil war of sorts, with the core planets forming an "Alliance" and the outer ring of planets fighting for their freedom became considered rebels, and because of their choice in clothing, which was....you guessed it, brown coats, the slang term given to them was, Browncoats. Yeah, I know, real original of them, but it is not like they were great thinkers. Anyway, the Browncoats lost the war, and this is important because Mal and Zooey were browncoats, and this is one of the defining things for both of them in how they view the universe and live their lives.

So, now you know who Jesus is, and you know what browncoats are, so this is where I tell you how Jesus is a browncoat. Well, the way I see it, Jesus is the ultimate browncoat, cause he was the ultimate rebel of his or anybody else's time. He rebelled against so many things that I couldn't possibly list them all, but here is a quick list. He rebelled against the religious leaders of the time, calling them out on their legalism and hypocrisy. He rebelled against the ideas of worldly power and wisdom, calling into question the whole system of how the world worked, and who really was rich and who was really poor. And lastly, he led the biggest rebellion of all time, when he rebelled against the powers of sin and death, conquering both and thus changing everything, for all time. So as far as I am concerned if the term Browncoat means rebel, then Jesus was the biggest Browncoat ever. Now, on to the misbehaving part.

Remember earlier, when I said Firefly didn't end when it was cancelled as a tv show, well Joss Weadon loved his show so much that he refused to leave it there, lifeless and unresolved. Thus, he made a lot of calls, and finally, after a lot of work, he was able to get the whole gang back together and made the movie, SERENITY. Now, in this movie, Mal and the crew were able to wrap up most of the story lines that were started in Firefly, and near the end of the movie, they find out something important that has been hidden from the universe, and they have to decide what to do with that information. This is a huge turning point for Mal's character, and he decides that he is going to do anything he can to get the information out, including being willing to die. He then tells his crew, "No more running, I aim to misbehave." I myself have taken those words as something of a personal motto. To me, it means, I am going to try and do the right thing, even though it is hard and might have consequences that would be less then desirable, especially since it is going against the powers that be. I even have it tattooed on the back of my neck (yeah, I know what your saying, my best friend thought that was pretty lame too, but it is my neck, you can get whatever you want tattooed on your neck and talk about it on your blog, but this is my neck and blog, so there) So, as far as I am concerned, Jesus was a browncoat, so I aim to misbehave, and now you know why.

*Where I use the word Nice here I actually mean stupid.

And Here We Go!

So, once upon a time I had a blog, and boy, was it, a, well, it was a blog, and man was it funny, but after a while a got pretty bored of it, so I deleted it. THE END. Well, at least I thought it was. See at the time, everybody I knew seem to have a blog, it was a blogapalluza, and as soon as it became a bother, and unfashionable (cause I am all about the fashion, insert smirking laugh here) it just didn't seem worth it, that and I was running out of things to say at the time. So at this point I am sure you are asking yourself, then why am I reading this on your Blog? Well, you can thank my friend Ken for that, well Ken and my huge humorous ego. You see, besides being really funny, I watch a ton of movies, and I mean a ton, way more movies then your average bear, or large man for that matter, and I also have a passion for youth and youth ministry, and Ken kept on reminding me that maybe Jesus and the gang could use some of the info I have acquired on said ton of movies that most people have missed that they could possibly use in their ministry to the youts (yeah, I said youts, its my blog and I will spell right if I want to) Thus I finally decided to put something on the net that would get Ken and Jesus off my back, just kidding guys. Anyway, so I chose to start blogging again, and here it is. So look out for my movie reviews, theological rants and incredibly funny musings, and feel free to tell all your friends, and your enemies, heck you can even mention it to your frienemies when you see them over the holiday season, cause they need access to awesomeness too. So in the words of the Joker, HERE.... WE.... GO!!!!!!!!! ........Again. (the again part wasn't the Joker, it was all me baby, all me. I know, genius)