Saturday, May 7, 2011

What's That Ripping Sound? Oh, That's Just Hollywood!

Someone asked me a while ago, "Why do you like movies so much?" and to tell the truth, I didn't have a really good answer, I just do. And here's the thing, I don't just like one particular type of film, I pretty much like all of them. From action to drama, comedy to, well, not comedy, (I am having a little trouble thinking of anything else right now, but I am sure there are lots of categories) heck, I will even watch a well done chick flick from time to time. I mention this because out of all the films I watch, I also watch a fair number of movies made from countries other than Canada* and America, and they sometimes have subtitles cause they are not in English. So, right about now you are saying to yourself, what is your point you super handsome blogger genius you, (I know, its scary that I just read your mind like that, its a gift, sometimes a curse, but mostly a gift) well, one of my big pet peeves is when Hollywood takes a perfectly good film, and remakes it in English with American actors. You would be surprised at how often this
I'm here for the killer sandwich audition!
happens, in the last 10 years alone there have been a bunch of horror movies such as Pulse, Quarantine, The Grudge, The Ring, The Eye, and The Sandwich, (ok, I made up that last one, but I would totally love to see a movie about a killer B.L.T. that is trying to take over the world) you also have other genres, like Romance, (The Lake House) Action, (Bangkok Dangerous) and Comedy (Dinner For Schmucks) that were all based on movies from other countries. Now I am not saying that remaking foreign films is totally a bad thing, sometimes it gives us great movies, like Clint Eastwood's "A Fistful Of Dollars" and Yul Brynner's "The Magnificent Seven" which are based on  Akira Kurasawa's Japanese masterpieces 
"Yojimbo" and
"Seven Samurai" . But, there are some films that are excellent all on their own, and really, the only reason Hollywood has to remake them is that its an easy cash grab and they have a total lack of originality. It is with this thought that I give you three movies that should have been left alone, no matter what critics may say.

Let The Right One In
First up on the list, and the main reason I wanted to do this rant, is a terrific movie made in Norway called Let The Right One In, here is the trailer for you to check it out.
Beth** and I watched this movie sometime last year, (I could actually give the date and everything, if I wasn't so lazy. What, my bag with my book in it that has all my movie watching info is all the way down the hall, and I am way too lazy to go get it, so just take my word that we watched it, Ok) and when we finished it and deleted it off our PVR, (man do I love deleting things off of the PVR, it gives me a feeling of accomplishment, that I watched that, and now, I can delete it to save space for more movies to be recorded, aren't I awesome, yes I am) the first thing we both thought about was, "Hey, that was a really good movie, I sure hope Hollywood doesn't remake it, cause it is so good the way it already is."*** Cut to sometime in September of 2010, and I started hearing about this awesome movie called, Let Me In, so I decided to check out the trailer for it online, (I have a confession to make. I am addicted to watching movie trailers, I love going on Apple Trailers and Flickster and seeing what new ones they have up. The only downside to this is that I am rarely ever in a movie theater and get to see a trailer for a movie that I have not already seen. So when a trailer starts I usually turn to Beth** and tell her what movie it is for way before the title comes up, but she still loves me, so its all good) and after 10 seconds my blood started boil****, watch the trailer and you will probably see why.
Yep, freakin Hollywood did exactly what I told them not to, (frickin Nazis......, sorry, I mean, frickin Hollywood people). Now, whether or not Let Me In is a good movie or not, I will not say, although it probably is, cause look at the source material, but I can only probably say that, cause I will not be watching it. If I ever get the urge to watch a small female vampire stand up for a kid that is being bullied at school, I already know where to go to see that, so take that Hollywood, and big ups to Norway.

Infernal Affairs
Infernal Affairs is a movie that I took out from the library, (big shout out to the Pickering Library here, you guys rock, sorry for the late fees) and watched one night while I was at work. I popped the DVD into the player, sat back, and within 10 minutes felt completely ticked off. Now I wasn't ticked off cause Infernal Affairs was a bad movie, or cause it had terrible acting, or even cause it was a double sided DVD and was full of scratches. No, I was ticked cause I had watched this movie before, only it had big name
American actors in it, was directed from a hugely famous American director, and was nominated for 5 Oscars, winning 4, including best director and best picture of the year. The movie I am talking about is The Departed. Yep, the Leonardo DiCaprio, Matt Damon*****, Jack Nicholson, Martin Scorsese, highly praised, Oscar winning, juggernaut of a movie is a total ripoff. Now here is the thing, The Departed came out when I was living in Winnipeg for a short time, (DON'T ASK) and there was a guy who lived in the same building as us that actually owned more DVD's then me, (which is kinda impressive, back then I was probably at around 450 or so, and he seemed to love movies as
And then I said to her, "Yeah, but my ego is this big!"
much as I did, although some of the movies that he thought were great I think are down right terrible, War Of The Worlds with Tom Cruise, I am looking at you here) and this guy, we will call him Mark, (cause that was his name) told me that The Departed was the greatest movie of all time. So when I finally got to see it, I was expecting to be blown away, and.......I wasn't. I am not saying that The Departed is a bad film, in fact, I think it is a pretty good one, but to have it win the Oscar and Martin Scorsese win best director, (I personally think that he only got it that year cause the academy realized that they had yet to give him one, so that was as good a time as any. Heck, he won over Clint Eastwood for Letters From Iwo Jima, which is a
He should have won for this.
 much better and more original movie, and he only gave Infernal Affairs a two second nod, mentioning the directors but not the films actual name) for a movie that was laid out for him to copy, even using about 85 to 90 percent of the shots, he won an Oscar for that?That was just WRONG, (I am not saying Martin Scorsese is a bad director in any sense, I think he has made many incredible films, like Gangs Of New York, Casino, Raging Bull and Taxi Driver, but to give him the Oscar for The Departed is a bit of a sham) In case you don't believe me, here are the trailers for both, starting with The Departed and then Infernal Affairs, you decide for yourself, but as for me, I like the original more, although seeing all the big names in the remake is cool none the less.

Death At A Funeral
Ok, last on the list is a brilliantly funny British film directed by Yoda no less, (that's Frank Oz for all of you who don't know). Death At A Funeral is the story of a dysfunctional family that has to come together for a Fathers funeral, with the sons, mother, cousins, in-laws, in-laws to be hopefully and one little person,  
Bust A Cap In Chris Rock I Will!
all bringing their problems with them, and hilarity ensues. It was really funny, and when we finished watching it I never really thought that anybody would try and remake it, but I guess Chris Rock saw it and thought, this movie would make a lot of money and be really simple to make if we just replaced all the actors that were English with funny Black actors instead, well, everyone except the little person, they kept him. As with Let Me In, I have watched the original, so I have no interest in seeing the remake, plus Alan Tudyk gave one of the funniest performances ever in the original, so watching the remake would just tick me off. You can decide for yourself what you want to do, but no matter what I don't want to hear anybody talk about how creative Chris Rock is, cause in this case, he is not.

So that is my rant, sure, you might have never seen these stories if they were not remade, but for us that have watched the originals and thought they were great, to see them so blatantly ripped off, is well, it is *$##$%$#%****** annoying. So, remember, stay original, and off drugs, yeah, drugs are bad, unless perscribed by your doctor, and even then, they might find out later that the drug they gave you for headaches might make you grow an extra toe, on your forehead, so sometimes those drugs suck too, now what was I saying? Oh yeah, stay classy true believers, and rant at you later.

*Believe it or not there are a bunch of movies made in Canada, some you would probably never even know about, such as X-Men and The Incredible Hulk were filmed in and around Toronto, and we even have movies that are totally Canadian, check out Foolproof starring Ryan Reynolds for a good example of this. And now you know, and knowing is half the battle. YO JOE!!!!!
**Beth is my unbelievably super beautiful wife, in case you were wondering.
***I am sure that was not the exact words, but it was something like that, I probably said, lets go get Dairy Queen somewhere in there too, but I figured I would leave that part out of the main body of the post, aww, now I want Dairy Queen, stupid subliminal advertising.
****Just a figure of speech ladies and gentlemen, my blood usually stays at the same temperature as everybody else's, but it does have an unusually high acidity level, so lets just say if we were in a space ship, you probably don't want to cut me, what, I'm just sayin*******.
******I wasn't actually swearing here, I just pushed a bunch of random keys, so if you put any swear words in there, well, that's all on you.
*******I'm Just Sayin is my youngest daughter Zions excuse for saying anything she wants, she will tell me I am fat, or that her grandma is old, and when she is told off, she looks at us and says, "I'm Just Sayin" cause that apparently makes what she said ok.

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